As per request: The List of Common Stupid Things People Do When They Encounter People with Disabilities

1. "The Invisible Me"- Here's the scenario: I'm at the mall, with a buddy, looking to pick up a new DVD. I find what I like and head to the check-out with my friend, who comes along to hand me my wallet and/or hand my stuff over if the counter is too high (which is the rule). The cashier doesn't acknowledge me and instead asks my friend whether this will be all, do you want a bag, etc. Even if I answer every question asked, they will continue to be addressed to me friend.

This is pretty common in a wide variety of situations. If someone has to interact with me, and I’m not alone, almost invariably they'll address my companion. It's understandable. A conversation with someone with a major disability can be quite awkward. Communication can be difficult or impossible, and some people in wheelchairs may not look/smell very pleasant. It’s sad, but it’s true. Also, I believe there is a fear of saying something offensive by accident. Those with a recent disability, due to accident for instance, can be especially sensitive.

It might not be easy, all the time, to converse with someone with a severe disability. However, it would be nice if more people made the effort.

2. “Baby Talk”- The scenario: I get introduced to a new member of our church. When chit-chatting with me she smiles constantly, and the tempo of her speech lowers as the volume of her voice grows. She seems to switch vocabularies so no words beyond two syllables are used, and every word is over-enunciated. Phrases like “Good for you,” “Isn’t that nice,” etc., come up very often.

This is a picture of patronization painted with broad strokes. However, a less severe version is quite common, especially among older people. (#1 is more common with younger people.) For me at least, patronization isn’t a huge annoyance or source of frustration. It only comes up with people who don’t know me, so I don’t deal with it a lot. And, at bottom, they’re just trying to be nice without quite knowing the right approach. Patronizers mean well, they’re just a bit ignorant.

I suppose there’s an assumption that those with physical disabilities also have some mental disability. This is true in a lot of situations, but most people I know with severe physical disabilities are “all there.” I’d recommend that, if you were unsure about the mental capacity of someone in a wheelchair, assume that they are of average intelligence. If you’re wrong you’ll soon find out. If you’re right, you’ve avoided playing the fool. Besides, I find that looking at someone’s facial expression and/or eyes gives a pretty good indication of their mental capacity.

3. “Pullin' a Jerry Seinfeld”- Some people, usually strangers, use some awful humour in what is an attempt, I think, to show that they’re totally comfortable with someone who has a disability. I don’t know how many people have chuckled at their incredible wit after warning me that if I don’t slow down I’ll get a speeding ticket.

I suppose it’s some sort of defense mechanism, but who knows. The only thing I know is that it’s not funny (anymore). However, such comedians mean well so what’s the harm.

A Tip- One thing I notice in some people, and have come to appreciate, is an attempt to talk at my level. My eye level, that is. When someone 6-foot 6 goes down on a knee during our conversation so I don’t have to stare up at him the whole time, well, it’s a kind gesture. Not mandatory, but appreciated.

Lest all this complaining distorts the truth, I must say that I have never had any real troubles from anyone I’ve met. I was never teased in Grade School, never ignored in High School, and respected thus far in University. In fact, at least in my own experience, my disability seems to bring out the best in those around me, who are cheerfully helpful whenever I need them to be and more than friendly always. My advice to those who might be reading this (i.e. Redeemer students who know me) is to keep up the fine work. And thanks.